Alas, the weekend has gone by, and we prepare ourselves to start a new week; a week full of stress, distress, and work; a week of waking up early and not going to sleep early enough; a week of working hard, intermingled with bouts of hardly working. The workweek sucks, so I've compiled some tips that'll ensure your survival.
Are your classmates or coworkers causing you to become infuriated? Just try to ignore them and take a deep breath. Walk away from the situation and come back later when you have obtained some pointy and sharp objects (preferably with serrated edges, so as to cause maximum damage).
Are your teachers being annoying and assigning too much work that takes you too long to do? I've got a simple fix for you! Just suck it up, stop being lazy, and do the work! Teachers can do whatever they want within the scope of their profession, and that includes assigning homework! Thinking about cheating? Don't do it! Plagiarism is a serious federal offense that could land you in prison! Not to mention it's morally wrong.
But who am I kidding? Just cheat, that's what all the cool kids do! You know what else the cool kids do? Drugs! You should probably try some of those, too!
Has your boss got you down because he's asking too much of you/ not paying you enough/ is out to get you/ (insert common complaint that people have about their bosses here)? Well, I've got news for you! Quit your job! You don't need him any more than he needs you, anyway! Then, sue him for all of his possessions under the guise that he did something unlawful towards you! With no evidence at all and no credible grounds for the lawsuit, you're sure to win! Just make sure to send us some of the money that you win from the case!
With these surefire tips, you'll certainly be able to make it through the week, all while maintaining your sanity! Then, you can waste the next weekend, pretend to do something productive, and then do it all over again the following week! (Unless of course you actually followed any of this advice. In that case, you're probably either in prison, bankrupt, or dead. Or any combination of those three things.)
As always, don't forget to wash your hands! And when you do, don't forget to Rinse and Lather. Slather.
P.S. For those of you that have school/work off tomorrow because of good old President's Day, just reread this post tomorrow before actually beginning your week. (Or something like that. You're smart, I trust you to be able to figure a solution out.)
Also, consider yourself lucky, because Nova Southeastern University does not grant its students the liberty of having days off to commemorate past presidents. (That's right, I just publicly called you out on the internet, NSU. Your move.)
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