As men, we have a carnal inclination towards polygamy.

As a society, a man who succeeds in attaining "social" polygamy by hooking up with a large diverse array of fine women is deemed an alpha male.

When I think of the truly great and brilliant leaders of this generation present and past, names that come to mind are Abraham Lincoln, John D. Rockefeller, Cornelius Vanderbilt, Martin Luther King Jr., Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Larry Page, Benjamin Franklin, George Washington, Henry Ford, Thomas Edison, Theodore Roosevelt, Alexander Bell, Andrew Carnegie, Frederick Douglas, J. P. Morgan, Nikola Tesla, Warren Buffett among countless others.

Their greatness and dominance stemmed from their ability to organize energy and effort in a way to achieve their clear goals in a way that also serves others. Each of these men, in my mind, exhibited tremendous self-control and stability of intellect.

If we desire such excellence (though we may not), where then does the role of "hooking up with women" for the sake of fulfilling our carnal pleasures fall into place. I do not fully oppose or suggest that such men had truly blemish-free internal romantic lives. And I do not suggest that neither shall we, for I myself have found great joy and happiness in the past on such experiences. However, I believe that we should insist that physical intimacy only be reserved for women of the highest caliber of our standards - worthy of total mind, spiritual, emotional and physical connection. Although she may not be "your wife", she should be worthy of being your wife if so situation or circumstances allow. We shall not settle for easy fixes. But rather, if you are to pursue a flirtatious kind of the opposite gender, she should be of such worthy caliber that you would have no shame proclaiming her to the world as yours.

She must be worth our time.

I believe in myself.

I believe in those who work with me.

I believe in my employer.

I believe in my friends.

I believe in my family.

I believe that God will lend me everything I need with which to succeed if I do my best to earn it through faithful and honest service.

I believe in prayer and I will never close my eyes in sleep without praying for divine guidance to the end that I will be patient with other people and tolerant with those who do not believe as I do.

I believe that success is the result of intelligent effort and does not depend upon luck or sharp practices or double-crossing friends, fellow men or my employer.

I believe I will get out of life exactly what I put into it, therefore I will be careful to conduct myself toward others as I would want them to act toward me.

I will not slander those whom I do not like.

I will not slight my work no matter what I may see others doing.

I will render the best service of which I am capable because I have pledged myself to succeed in life and I know that success is always the result of conscientious and efficient effort.

Finally, I will forgive those who offend me because I realize that I shall sometimes offend others and I will need their forgiveness.I believe in myself.

I believe in those who work with me.

I believe in my employer.

I believe in my friends.

I believe in my family.

I believe that God will lend me everything I need with which to succeed if I do my best to earn it through faithful and honest service.

I believe in prayer and I will never close my eyes in sleep without praying for divine guidance to the end that I will be patient with other people and tolerant with those who do not believe as I do.

I believe that success is the result of intelligent effort and does not depend upon luck or sharp practices or double-crossing friends, fellow men or my employer.

I believe I will get out of life exactly what I put into it, therefore I will be careful to conduct myself toward others as I would want them to act toward me.

I will not slander those whom I do not like.

I will not slight my work no matter what I may see others doing.

I will render the best service of which I am capable because I have pledged myself to succeed in life and I know that success is always the result of conscientious and efficient effort.

Finally, I will forgive those who offend me because I realize that I shall sometimes offend others and I will need their forgiveness.

Sir, do you have any change?

Every begger asks for "some change". As I open the gate into my property today, a man wondering the street asks the all-too-familiar question, "sir, do you have any change?" I reply, "I'm sorry sir I don't have any change" ... to which he replies, "I can wait out here?" ..(implying that I may have some inside the house) ... but I then reply, "I'm sorry sir, but I really don't have any change, all I have is cards". Now this man probably asks, do you have any change routinely, every single day for months if not years. Imagine if instead of asking directly for what he wants, he instead asked every individual he meets, "sir, how can I get some change for myself?" He would likely be a very rich man.

How often do I recognize my need for something, and then ask others to provide that need for me, as opposed to asking others how I can earn that need for myself.

You sir, although I wasn't able to give you any change, you gave me a very valuable lesson.

hazzat maybe?

Also, I just wanted to throw in a quick update: for the longest time I was hosting my hymns hazzat on my facebook page, but I've stopped using facebook. So I'm thinking of moving my hazzat onto here for viewing. Anyway, considering that project. stay tuned.

hello world (of creativity)

A Benchwarmer's Guide to Benchwarming

Depending upon when you are reading this blog post, the FIFA World Cup has ended/is underway/is soon to commence. Regardless, this post is relevant to most sports, except, for instance, golf. (Does golf really even count as a sport? I mean, all you do is hit a ball with a strangely-shaped stick called a "club" (A club? What are we, cavemen?) and hope that it falls into a hole. You then causally strut over to where the ball landed (or, if you feel exceedingly lazy, you can take a golf cart) and continue to prod the ball until it falls into the hole. Then you move onto the next hole, and repeat. Stay tuned for my rant on golf!*)

*I’m not writing a rant on golf. It doesn’t even count as a sport.

              

  Every sport that counts as a sport (A.K.A. not golf) requires all of the members of the team to pull their weight. Defenders need to defend, scorers need to score, and benchwarmers need to bench. Wait, no. They need to warm the bench. Yeah, that!

                Benchwarmers need to warm the bench, and they need to do it well. They need to reach and maintain OBT (Optimal Bench Temperature). OBT is defined as standard human body temperature, which is quantified as 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit, or, for you folks who are inclined to using the metric system, 37 degrees Celsius. It is the benchwarmers’ job to ensure that the active players do not have to suffer the agony of a cold bench. A cold bench draws heat energy away from the active players’ bodies, which can cause their muscles to tire, cramp, and, eventually, give out.

                So, what are the steps to becoming an effective benchwarmer? Well, a good benchwarmer starts the day with a hearty breakfast, ideally one that contains at least 3,927 calories. Try to avoid vegetables and fruits as much as possible, and focus on cramming in as many carbohydrates, sugars, and fats as possible. More body weight allows for a greater surface area, which will allow you to more effectively warm larger portions of the bench.

                During practices, your team will likely be doing some productive, healthy workouts and training exercises. Rather than partaking with them, you should be sitting on the closest chair, practicing some warming techniques. Occasional flatulence will allow you to rapidly spread heat to the area of the bench immediately beneath you. While you’re on the bench, you want to keep a constant pace of shifting around every 2 minutes or so. Work out a system with your fellow benchwarmers so that no portion of the bench is left uncovered for a period longer than three seconds. This keeps the bench at a nice, even temperature throughout. You don’t want the bench to be too cold in one place and too warm in another. Wear thick, heavy clothes made of wool. You may be sweltering, but it’s a sacrifice you need to make for your team. Bring four boxes of Twinkies with you to practice in order to further your body’s surface area. You need to be ready for the big game! By closely following these steps, you should be an amazing benchwarmer! (You’ll also probably be obese and dead in no time, but it’s a sacrifice you need to make for your team! Besides, you get courtside seating to all of the games, and you might even get to interact with the actual players now and then!)

                Good benchwarmers are integral to a good team. Otherwise, failure will surely ensue. Heck, LeBron James left the Miami Heat because the benchwarmers were inadequate. Pick it up, Miami!

How Not to be Fooled on April Fools'

As you know, today is April 1st, otherwise known as "April Fools' Day." If you didn't know that, well now you do. Isn't this blog just full of information?

Now, most people do not enjoy being fooled. Being the victim of April Fools' Day trickery makes you look and feel foolish. Thus, we here at the Rinse and Lather Blog have come up with various techniques to prevent you from being fooled, both today and on forthcoming April Fools' occasions.

First and foremost, be careful of your surroundings at all times. Watch out  for people who may have put toothpaste in the inside of your shoes! Check your pillows for baking soda! Also watch out for any "kick me" signs that may have been taped to your back. While you're at it, watch for any "kick me" signs that may have been taped to your car. (Although, with the way that South Floridians drive, your car is just as likely to suffer damage whether or not you have a "kick me" sign attached to it.)

When you go to use the bathroom, be certain to watch for any plastic wrap that may have been wrapped around the toilet seat in such a manner that it may prevent any wastes from properly entering the toilet. (For those of you who are visual learners, we have an image of this below.)

Look at this high quality visual aid!

As a precaution, keep all razors, scissors, glue, sticky notes, and any other office supplies or materials that can be used to play tricks on you locked away in an undisclosed location until April 2nd. These materials are the building blocks for bigger pranks, and thus are a threat to your well-being for the day. Try to keep your phone out of reach of anyone, and keep your communication to a minimum. When you do communicate, be skeptical of everything everyone says. Trust no one. Except us. You can trust us. We are two, highly untrained, non-professionals. Nothing to worry about here!

You know what? While you're at it, you might as well stay home today. No one can fool you if you don't interact with anyone! Do you live with other people? No big deal! Just run away from home for a day! No one will miss you! Besides, you'll be back tomorrow!

Oh, and most importantly: DO NOT use the internet. The World Wide Web is the #1 source of media for tricks on April Fools' Day. Don't believe anything that you see/read on the internet on April 1st. That includes Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube. That includes blogs that are run by two gentlemen who publicly post advice on topics such as "Getting Through the Workweek" and "How Not to be Fooled on April Fools'" under the guise of helping you rid yourself of 99.9% of bacteria by rinsing and lathering. Don't listen to anything any of those people say. You don't want to be fooled, do you!?

Addendum: By "fool" I mean 'a foolish person,' or 'one who is fooled.' I do not mean the popular Egyptian dish consisting of cooked fava beans. (Depicted below).

As Mr. T once said, "I pity the fool!" No, not the food kind.